When I lost G, it wasn't just Giovanna that I lost. My grief was unimaginable. For close to three years I barely functioned, I physically had trouble getting words to come out of my mouth. My brain was locked in a vortex of a constant fog going back and forth with utter despair to wishing that I could just end my time and be with my daughter again. During that time, my daily ritual consisted of visiting her grave site in the morning to get G ready for the day and in the afternoon putting her to bed.
How my two main men in my life gave me the space to heal only just a little is beyond me. Nando was 13 years old when he lost his big sister. He was 13 years old when he lost his mother as well.
" What do you think i do in my room?", he screamed at me one afternoon at the age of 16.
" I cry. "
The veil lifted over my eyes, and in front of me stood a young man, that had grown up right in front of me and i didn't see it.
He turned 19 in April this year. My god, what an amazing man he is becoming. A heart of gold and I am so proud to be his Mother.
I may have lost Giovanna, but I have a son that's here, that is everything to me and every day when i wake up and see him, it brings me a huge smile on my face.
I am a lucky lucky person to be chosen to be this mans Mum.